I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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