Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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