I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
