I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
