Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
