i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i wish my penis had a tongue
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
