Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
