oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
