Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
