I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
