Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
