Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
