Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
