another moral hangover. fuck.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
