someone threw a dead crab at me
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
