winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
