Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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