there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
