whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
