Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
whose ass print is on the piano?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
