Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
