I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
