reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
