I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
