Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
