you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
