don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
