We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
