I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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