Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
