Say something about gay babies.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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