Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I believe in your delicious
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
