You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
