my being single is dangerous.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
