My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Randomize
