Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
