He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Randomize
