Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
