I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
