You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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