How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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