Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
