I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
