She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
