Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
