I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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