I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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