My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
This is my gift to your gina
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
