i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
