Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
