When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
How external is "for external use only"?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
